I think I've come to the conclusion that if I actually do want to activel pursue med school/masters in nursing school that I need to get away from the whole medical environment for a while. I need to get away from working in the ER (it's too mentally draining...I work in about 12 hours and I'm absolutely dreading it). I need to get away from the pressures of home. When I drive home and see my Dad's face on billboards twice within the Kankakee city limits, yeah that has an effect on me. I'm my Mother and Father's son. They never explicitly say it, but in all my conversations with them about the future, I get this implicit sense of urgency; if I don't go to med school, I'm a failure in their eyes. I've recently interviewed for several professional internships at Walt Disney World. If I get a position, it would only be for about 6 months and I could do anything from driving a monorail, running the Pirates of the Carribbean ride or teaching kids about animals at Animal Kingdom. I really want to get the last one. It would be a fun and happy job, where I could interact with people and not deal with sickness, addiction or death. I'm really excited about these possibilities. I think it's just what I need, for just the right amount of time at just the right moment in my life. I told my parents about this rather enthusiastically over the phone. After a few second pause, they told me with strain in the voices that they were happy for me. I honestly don't buy it. They've always told me to do what made me happy, but the summer I came home and said I was considering med school, everything changed. That was the only thing they could ever talk to me about for a while. Forget how I was feeling. What were my plans? What schools do you think you'd like to go to. When are you taking the MCATs? I want(ed) to go too, but couple all my self imposed pressures with their parental pressures and I collapse (see also 3 semesters ago). I need to get away from the path I've been following for so long and maybe come back later and see if the medicine thing is still something I'd want to pursue. That's why this Disney World thing is so appealing. I'd get a complete change in scenery and be working at the happiest place on earth. Not to mention getting to hang out at the parks for free in my spare time.
My Mom recently said she thought I was going to end up all alone. I don't really disagree especially after the "girl across the street" drama. But it fans the fire that I'm a disappointment first and a son second. I probably am a failure and a disappointment and I probably will end up all alone, but for the love of God, I'm trying my best on all fronts. I just don't seem to be going anywhere too fast.