In the span of a week and a half, I will have 7 exams. 5 of which will be final exams. I didn't learn the lesson that I should have taken from last semester. Again I took too hard of a load and I'm going to pay the consequences via my GPA. I've realized that for the most part, I don't like MCB. There are certain areas of study that I do enjoy, but the majority of the material covered in my classes leaves me unenthused. The last class I took that was in my major that I truly enjoyed was physiology. That was two years ago. It's too late to switch to anything else now. Right now, MCB is simply a means to an end. I'm not entirely sure that med school is still a viable option. Scratch that...I'm not sure it's an option I'm willing to pursue anymore. If I don't get right after I finish undergrad, I'll probably have to get my masters before re-applying. I'm not sure I want to be going to school for the next decade before I get to do what I'm dying to do. Even if I was the bottom rung on the ladder at Provena, I enjoyed it. I enjoyed talking to people, learning about things that actually interested me and helping people. Even if it was just getting them a warm blanket, it gave me purpose, it gave me satisfation and it made me happy. The latter is something I've been without since August 2oth. I can genuinely say that I hate school and I'm starting to hate this town. I feel so disconnected from everything and everyone around me. It's a unique isolation. I used to feel in tune with everything around me even if I didn't understand it all. I don't know what went wrong. Well I do, I just can't change it. So if you've bothered to read this crap and if you've put up with my rants this far, I'm pledging that I'm going to be studying at Grainger Library every available instant from now until my last final of Fall 04 semester. If I'm not there, I'll probably be either eating or sleeping or at class. I see a road that I don't want to go down and some unknown force is pushing me down it alone. See you in '05
