I'm concerned my normal pessimistic self has died. I used to agonize over where my life was headed. Now I could care less. It's not so much that I don't care at all, it's just that I feel that things will work out the way they're meant to. I find it so bloody disgusting how some people I knew in college had their entire curriculum picked out as freshmen. "Then fall semester of '04, I'll take Organic chemistry with lab, statistics and microbiology." I remember registering for classes the day before they started. I had a few classes that I had to take, but you know....animation sounds cool...Hey what about archaeology?...music composition?...rock! I guess that's why it took me 5 years to graduate. Right now, I'm taking my life as it comes. I'm applying to schools, but if I don't get in, so be it. Something else will turn up. This kind of laissez-faire mentality has kinda paid off and another seasonal job working at Animal Kingdom has fallen into my lap. So I going to work in the group education department and work as a tourguide for backstage safari. I'm stoked for it. Not gonna lie.
I love my job I have right now and I can honestly say I'm really fucking good at it. I'm incredibly driven to succeed at something I have passion for (like this job). What that something is in the long term remains to be seen. But what confuses me right now, is why I'm driven to succeed. I don't feel like I have to prove myself to anyone. All I need to do is be able to feed/clothe/take care of myself from here on out, and I can feasibly do that flipping burgers or picking up trash. It's not like I have to support a wife and kids. Hell, I can't even keep a relationship for over a month. The whole commitment thing is not really my style (among other things). I kinda doubt I'm ever going to find someone who would want to put up with me, so I guess you can eliminate the possible family situation that might follow. So again, I'm left only having to take care of myself, which like I said, doesn't require a successful or well paying job. Yet something still drives me to climb the ladder, get a graduate education and work like a madman. Right now, it seems like wanting a graduate education or a very prestigious job or even someone that I could call my girlfriend seems like a selfish, almost decadent desire.
How can I live up to the man right next to me?
1 comment:
Jon... Your post makes me happy. I'm so glad that you're finally experiencing something that means a lot to you, something you're good at, and something that you look forward to every day. Big change from the torture that is college, eh? You're going to have another great season at Disney, I'm sure of it. And don't forget about us non-cast members in Chicago! Good luck with the grad school process... you're awesome. Arrrrrgh!
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