humbug

If you're "dating" someone or have a "significant other", I say this to you: You make me sick. And what's the deal with all the public displays of affection? It's like when-you're-in-grade-school-and-you-have-candy-that-you-give-to-a-couple-of-your-friends, but-you-get-in-trouble-'cause-you-don't-have-enough-to-share-with-everyone except instead of candy it's ass grabbin' and tonsil hockey and you don't get in trouble. If you have so much affection in you that you can stick your tongue down his throat, why not mine too? Where's my piece of candy? As far as "together time" goes, I say it's overrated. Together time always leaves one half of the party bored or pissed off. Dudes endure chick flicks with their venusian counterparts only with the hope of getting some post movie play. Broads who hang out with their dude and the dude's friends (whether it be a sporting event or or a session of video games) will constantly give the evil eye to everyone in the room and in a desperate attempt to escape, pretend to fall asleep. I mean I don't have together time....I only have "me time". Me time is pretty great I gotta say. I get to hang out in my underwear, fart when I want to, play video games all day and if I want to rot my brain with beer, zelda or porn, I'm welcome to it. And sex...meh...all sex does is make babies and everybody knows my opinion on babies. THEY'RE STUPID (they can't even feed themselves...WTF)! I know there's communists out there spreading their propaganda saying that sex "feels good" or "lets you connect to someone on another level." Bullshit. All I need is my friend J-I-L-L and I'm happy. I don't need a woman to make me feel good about myself. Then as far as "sharing my feelings" goes, well there's some things even those close to me should probably never know. Y'all are on a know as needed basis and for the most part, even if you're dating me, you don't need to know...you don't want to know would probably be more accurate.
Anyways, what the fuck do I know? The only real relationship I've ever had only lasted a month (and unfortunately it wasn't Febuary) and I seriously doubt I'll enter any other dating endeavor anytime soon. Probably ever. Most of the bullshit I spewed forth above probably isn't true, but it's testament to the fact that I got serious issues (but most of y'all probably know that). Truth is, I'm going to die alone and probably penniless and probably sooner than you think. Excuse me while I go cut off my penis....