bloody hell

Finals have arrived and so has my nocturnal lifestyle/insomnia. For those in the know, you can probably guess that these finals mean quite a bit to me. Basically what it comes down to is I need a B in at least one class and nothing lower than a C in the other two classes I'm taking. I'm so incredibly stressed out, but the undesirable result of not meeting my requirements is keeping me going. I can feel tension in every muscle and bone in my body. It's even hard to swallow. Most of the stress is coming from school. A lot is self imposed. If I reach the end of the next week unscathed, then the rest of my college career will be gravy. Goddammit. I just want to jump out of my skin right now. I've had one final already. Could have been worse, but could have been a lot better. I'm studying my ass off. I'm hoping and praying it'll be enough. I want to make it to the summer. Things are looking good at Provena. With a little luck, I'll be able to work in the emergency room this summer here at Covenant. If I don't meet my requirements, I don't know what I'll be doing after the summer. People have thought I was joking in the past when I said I'd join the army. I wasn't joking. All I know is that I'm not really living right now. I hate who I am. I hate my life. If I live long enough to reminisce about all this, I'm probably going to view this whole college thing as the worst 4+ years of my life. Just let me finish what I started. I don't want to be forced to disappear.