Cooties

The following is not for the weak of heart or easily offended.

I think I'm going to declare war on the female sex. I'm not entirely sure what that entails, but I'm willing to deal with the repercussions. Now I know you may ask why I would do such a thing. Everywhere I look, I find something about the Venuses that just irritates me to no end, whether it's getting into the way of my flow or just being a total and complete bitch. I've got a big rant planned in old school 5 paragraph form, so here goes...
You know, I have female friends just like I have male friends. I'm straight, so I don't date my male friends. For a while now, I've had the policy that I don't even attempt to date female friends either. It's just how I roll. And it works out for the best. Lately, a lot of my male friends have found girlfriends. That's cool, I'm happy for them. I still get to hang out with "the guys" (sometimes their g/fs too) and they get to hang out with their respective girlfriends. I may not get to see them as much, but you know, it's cool. They have room in their lives for a girlfriend and for other friends to hang out with. Now my female friends are a different story. Once they find a significant other, I might as well be dead to them. They don't have time to talk to you, any debts they owe you are immediately forgotten and everything the friendship meant is completely and utterly destroyed. It fuckin' makes me feel as disposable as a goddamn maxi pad. I don't want much. Just be my friend. Talk to me every once in a while. I endure the friggin' Vagina Monologes with you just so you won't have to go alone and you don't give me the time of day. I buy you dinner, pay for admission, and borrow my Dad's car so you can have a nice night and you don't even talk to me. Ingrateful bitches. Let me tell you.
Another thing, the Venuses in class always piss me off. It's not hard to turn your phone on vibrate, shit even turning it off isn't hard. But every lecture, some chick scrambles into her purse to silence some candy-ass Hilary Duff midi ringtone. In my speech and hearing class, there's a trifecta of wenches who sit near the front of the class always bitching and moaning about their boyfriends or that our professor has a bad sense of fashion or that there's a half off sale at American Eagle. It takes three of these dumb broads to do the crossword puzzle (rather loudly) during class. When they all start laughing is when I pull out my imaginary glock and contemplate either imaginarily putting myself out of my misery or imaginarily ending the triumvirate's reign of terror.
I know the average height of women is somewhat shorter than that of men, and I know that has an effect on how fast they walk, but for christ's sake, move bitch. get out the way. I walk fast and when my flow is interrupted by a gaggle of fembots sauntering at snail's pace, I get pissed. I got places to go and you and your crew are hogging all the sidewalk space and you're putting Dirt Devil out of business because you suck so bad. The day I'm writing this, the temperature only got up to like 32 degrees. I've seen wenches out in this kind of weather and colder wearing only three bandanas. One for the waist, one for the chest and one for the hair. Fucking ridiculous. Ok I get it you have big tits and a tight ass, but I'm a guy, I notice these things without you going out dressed like Jenna Jameison. Act like you got some damn sense. Stupid floosy.
So there you have it. I don't think the world needs women anymore. I saw Junior. Us men can procreate. Women are stupid and I don't need them. There are definately exceptions to the rule. You know who you are. My Mom is a prime example. All the rest of you can just go to hell.